from the crevices of life

//oh god...

2007-05-22T13:19:32Z

Bush paving the way to dictatorship.

i don't even know what to say.

...anybody want to move to sweden with me?

//final decision

2006-12-06T20:16:29Z

so, i've accepted the full-time graphic design position with NAD.
i start the first week of january. i get my own office.
i get to redesign every single thing. and design new things.
phew.

D.C., here i come.
... and here's to new beginnings.

. . .
you have no idea how much i'll miss you guys.
there's this postsecret card i saved from the site.

[EDIT: here it is]

...the best i could ever ask for.

//deafhood rediscovered.

2006-10-17T05:54:21Z

it's hard for me to put in words how i feel about the whole gallaudet thing but i'm going to try. i've been quiet for a while now, listening to and reading up on both sides of the story.

in the beginning, when i first heard about the whole thing... my inital reaction was: oh god. stupid gallaudetians. just give her a chance and see what happens.

that was me up until a week or so ago.

the more i read up on it, the more i heard about it... something inside of me stirred.

it was subtle at the beginning but then i suddenly knew how i felt. it was something i have not felt in a long, long time. it was foreign at first but then once i embraced the feeling, it was like coming home again.

i'm welling up as i write this.

first, some background information. i was born hearing, became deaf at three. english was my first language, then S.E.E. that's signed exact english. then P.S.E./A.S.L. came into the picture but not until i was 13. every year from 2 years old to 16, i had speech therapy. my family is hearing and i love them dearly but i was often a victim of the dining table syndrome. i went to both mainstream and deaf school. i am a lover of the english language. i write poetry. but i am also a lover of A.S.L. they are both beautiful languages and should be regarded as such.

during my years at a deaf school, i was a militant Deaf. i disliked and often made fun of oral/H.O.H. people. i was so, so proud.

then i came to RIT. my first year, i tried with some other people to set up a club where A.S.L. could truly be embraced and preserved. needless to say, it wasn't a success. the NTID community wasn't for it. for the first time in my life, being Deaf was not accepted or even encouraged. over time, that pride faded away. i no longer felt Deaf and my attention slowly shifted to trying to fit in a hearing world.

and then this protest happened.

i watched a short video by mosdeux and it had this Deaf boy signing. in that moment, i saw who i used to be.

in short... i'm supporting the gallaudet movement because i don't want any Deaf children to forget who they are. that there is a place where it is okay, perfectly okay, to be proud to be Deaf. no one should take that away from anybody.

all of this isn't even a third of what i want to say but it'll have to do for now.

. . .

"be the change you wish to see in the world." - gandhi

rusty_tub @ 2006-05-07T22:09:00

2006-05-08T03:01:05Z

Don Thurber and Boss Listman invite you to go in...

this is what happened to the last guy that didn't listen to me...

that's right, bitch.

setting the mood.

megan.

beautiful mafia mistresses.

and off they went to get drunk...
licking sugar off the abs of one of my best hitmen.

taking a cigar break.
the good stuff, yeah.

lauren with her lovely drunk irish gambler of a boyfriend.

denise with her dead boyfriend...

more dead jesse.

OMG WHO KILLED THE BOSS?

not me...

it wouldn't be a party without some lesbian action...

... or fornication.

... or a kiss from mich.

... or from greg.

... or from wyatte.

... or from wyatte again.
(they're all really just trying to get on my good side,
luckily for them, it worked.)

vanity.

the don listman in all his glory.

hottt.

she's really a lethal killer... don't let the innocent face fool you.

i told you.

dead jesse and denise.

REVENGE FROM THE DEAD.

denise licking a big black vagina.

matt emerges from the vagina, tired and worn out.

yay, more guns.
this makes the don very happy.

after the mafia party, i return the love to mich.

me and terry,
who tried to suck my face off that night.

aaron and me.
(thanks for letting me borrow the coat, sweetie)

kris and me.

. . .

thanks to matt and listman for some of the pictures.

//...

2006-05-02T10:59:47Z

all i have to say is this:

:)

//the blondest moment of my life, today

2006-04-16T04:59:51Z

i was telling a friend about what happened today
and realized i should share the story with my loyal readers/viewers.
this is, by far, the blondest moment of my life.
i am still beyond embarassed
and laughing out of shock
about what happened.

. . .

simpasaplant: jesse came into my room
simpasaplant: this afternoon
simpasaplant: and he dumped honey (the orange tabby) near my chair
simpasaplant: and i glanced quickly at her and from my perspective looked like she was holding a toy in her mouth
simpasaplant: so i was thinking, aw how cute
simpasaplant: and proceed to grab the toy
simpasaplant: i wasn't really looking at her
simpasaplant: and was just swinging the toy back and forth
simpasaplant: and noticed she was swaying with it
simpasaplant: and i laughed and told jesse
simpasaplant: that she's just like a dog
simpasaplant: stubborn, holding onto the toy with teeth
simpasaplant: and i kept swaying the toy back and forth wildly
simpasaplant: and was thinking to myself oh my god what a stubborn cat
simpasaplant: and it took jesse a while to realize i had the situation in a completely distorted perspective
simpasaplant: and he was telling me to stop
simpasaplant: and i was all "?"
simpasaplant: and told me to look
simpasaplant: and i realized that he put the toy around her neck

note: honey is fine.
immediately after realizing what i did,
i dove for her and made sure she was okay and all.

rusty_tub @ 2006-04-15T15:38:00

2006-04-15T19:52:23Z

we were so ready to party.

alas, shandy wasn't.

~~doh~~ ooh shiny.

me and patko.
patko because i say it's patko.

type a personality and type b personality.

there were 500 menorahs behind us.

mmm. i want some guinness now.

my chin gets some lovin'.

wyatte in all his emo glory.

i look tiny next to him.

if only that was a blunt.

me and nodylia... nodliyla... nodyi... ah, i give up.

we were sad because we lost the beer pong game...

...then it occurred to us that because we lost the game,
we had to consume quite a bit of beer and before we knew it,
we were all smiles...

...and then drunkness sank in.

and denise, with dildos as hair, just had to join us.

denise and pavey.

matt was thrilled to be frank n furter's body double.

trippyy.

denise was tired of people humping her head so off they went.

we are so punk.

you my punk rocker, bitch.

crack revisited.

jesse couldn't decide whether to swallow or spit.

i wuv my michelle belle.

must. have. guinness. now.

oh how i love my terry bear.

i always find myself in orgies.

probably my favorite picture from last night.

jesse having a serious hetero relapse.

everytime i see him, i miss japan. :(

bi-girl and fag-boy.

me and listman.

happy jess. serious listman.

denise and rosey being their usual selves.

listman looks so adorable in this picture.
come here so i can pinch your cheeks.

model potential.

nate is such a sweetie.

teehee.

insert your own creative caption here.
(the best i can come up with is it being the first dental dam ever.)

at the diner.

i knew josh since he was 9 or something.

the night caught up with wyatte.

. . .

last night was great...
alumnium foil everywhere.
being paranoid that a lightening could strike
and we'd all die a horribly painful flaming death.
sucking at beer pong.
putting three beer caps in line.
taping listman 500 times
and watching my beautiful work crumble before me.
struggling to open listman's car door.
talking about california food with oz.
playing uno with wyatte.
lots of laughs with rosey.
the beautiful but brief night walk.
having people telling me to take pictures.
eating chinese food at a party and not caring
what people might think.
the suffocating uc 202 party.
helping my lil sister with a funny mishap;
buying a boxer for two dollars.
being complimented,
saying i look like shane from the l word.
and of course, acting retarded from time to time.
megan begging me to dance with her.
talking with kamau.
jesse's bald spots even with the wig on.
watching shandy pass out.
seeing denise go through three transformations.
wondering how listman was going to be able to pee.
seeing and interacting with many different people.
going to the city diner with the boys.
the quiet ride back.
and lastly, the moon.

//rockfest weekend

2006-04-11T07:27:15Z

me and denise with her 500 chins.

road head.

this is me making up to denise.
...look, a pretty denise!

//end drive to d.c.
//begin friday night

fwiends.

hottt.

alf and me.

smitha and me.

me and adam.

she makes me feel retarded.

the obligatory kiss picture of me and mich.

a non-retarded picture of me and the bfffff.

lauren and me.

leah and jason exercising on the opposite-moving escalator.

jesse being a dork.

mich in heaven.

picture of the official couples.

the old UC 111-ers... guess who's missing?

being silly.

sleeping lizzie.

group pic!

//end friday night
//begin anti-rockfest party

me and the girls.

don't know what lauren was trying to do here but yeah...

jesse wishing for something.
hint: it rhymes with swimming.

oh what big eyes you have.

me and listman.

didn'tcha know we're closeted lovers?

groovy, man.

j-squared love.

first lizzie and now adam. sleep, adam, sleep.

we all know the truth now... jesse really is an angel in a devil disguise.

me and leah.

so many patterns! must... look... away... now.

alf and me.

alf and the dog.
i heart the old feel/look of the photo.

pretty lauren in her light of red.

adam and me.

me and alf.

it's hard to see but we're really having sex.

the last four pictures...
i swear somebody spiked the punch with a bit of crack.
...okokok, a lot of crack.

lauren and mich.

yes, i have my vain moments.

another 70s style photo.

there's just something about that boy.

this is not unusual behavior for jeremy.

another obligatory kiss picture.

look, lesbian porn!

mich and lauren.

the bfffff and me.

my two jewish boys.

by the end of the night, this is really how jesse saw everything.

//lauren's birthday fun

2006-02-19T20:59:21Z

"how about this one? does this look clean to you?"

"i do NOT want to know what was in my food."

"oh, mich... what did i say about cutting the cheese in public?"

the waiting room.

faaaaaaaaaaa...

...bulous!

"then, lauren, you do this..."

initation was last night. i'm now a proud member of the special club.

practicing for a role on days of our lives.

i think somebody spiked the drinks with a bit of estacsy.

*squeal* can we say sooooo cute?

okay. i take it back.

this picture gives me a boner.

in an alternate universe, this is what a coked-up sarah gordon would look like.

clevage overload.

lizzie's long lost cousin itt.

somebody got some action.

imitating japanese tourists.

"... and here's my impersonation of a penis at work."

proud user of Sure™ deodorant.

the closest i'll ever come to having an orgy.

//valentine's day

2006-02-15T09:02:04Z

yes, another one of those valentine's day posts.

half-assedly watching friends.
napping together.
late night food shopping.
chocolate covered strawberries.
explaining the differences in rice.
teaching how to get chocolate off plates.
looking at childhood pictures.
hearing stories.
telling stories.
laughters.
recalling old games which leads to
ordering over 1,000 pogs on ebay.
going to the bathroom three times, sick = not fun
the almost full moon.
clear sky, not too cold.
talking about travelling.
getting free food.
giving a chocolate kiss.
talking about poetry.
leaving at 3 in the morning.

i couldn't have asked for a better night.

//possibly the coolest thing ever

2006-02-14T22:36:07Z

the coolest thing ever.

//friends; the wine of life

2005-11-26T23:04:54Z

one of the most important lessons
i learned this recent quarter
was that i should show appreciation more.

tonight, i felt it was time for me to reflect back,
go through some pictures, and think about each person,
and how each one made a difference in my life
or why I value the friendship.

so, this will be a collaboration of pictures
and most importantly, words of gratitude.

this entry is a tribute to my friends
or people that have made a difference in my life,
and hopefully, i in theirs.

jesse, my lesser half –
you’re a classmate, a roommate and a best friend.
basically, you’re in my life 24/7.
(I can just hear the remarks you have in respond to that.)
we have this love/hate relationship
(a bit more on the love side, of course…)
and it makes everything all the more interesting,
albeit a bit exhausting.
thank you for putting up with my shit
and thank you even more for all the laughter
and the philosophical discussions we’ve had.
I don’t know about you but some of my favorite times
are when we’re chilling in the living room
and you’re playing PS2
and I’m just watching.
there is something comforting in that.
I guess it’s one of the few moments I feel truly at home.
you’re a great friend, really–
I’m only sorry I don’t let you know that enough.
. . . . .

listman, fellow borderline –
when i think of you, i think of so many things
i think of last year, how we didn't exactly get along
and now, this year - where it's quite the opposite.
i've seen you learn and grow;
you have only begun to shine.
i think we understand each other the most,
why we do the things we do, why we feel the way we do,
and all that jazz;
it's up to us to take rein of it all.
i value you more than you think,
so quit talking about car accidents :P
... and now that you're 21,
let's take our conversations to macgregor's. :)
. . . . .

lauren, the polar opposite of me –
it's funny how we became friends
because i don't quite recall
but nevertheless, i'm glad we're close.
i'm also glad you invited me to your place this recent summer
(otherwise i would have never known what chipotle tastes like! ;))
there is something personal in that (your home, not chipotle :P).
though we don't hang out as much as we used to,
like you said the other day,
every time we all get together,
it's as if nothing has changed.
i know you can talk to me, and i can talk to you
whenever, about whatever -
and thank you for being there for me last year,
i know it wasn't easy.
. . . . . .

mich, the fair princess fiona –
I managed to muster up enough courage
to tell you what I told you a few weeks ago
and I hope you kept what I said in mind.
even though we share the same circle of friends,
you are the one I know the least about
and I look forward to changing that
during the next two quarters I have left.
by the way,
I haven’t forgotten to make you something
before I leave RIT.
. . . . . .

sasha, the kiss heard 'round the world –
I’ve said all I wanted to say to you
in person and online.
our friendship is only beginning…
. . . . . .

matt, who thought it might be fun to put on swim gear while drunk –
you’re a rare ASL gem at RIT
and it’s an eye candy to talk to you
and a relief too, to be able to let my hands loose.
of course, not just that—
it’s wonderful to hang out with you.
the things you, listman and i can come up with;
to laugh about, to make fun of, to smile at.
I appreciate all that and more.
. . . . . .

kris, who loves the walls –
an important lesson I learned from you:
even the walls have feelings
and within everything is a story.
I enjoyed our conversations immensely
and I look forward to more—
especially breakfast.
you’re beautiful.
don’t forget to cut, let go and breathe.
. . . . . .

aaron, better known as fag-boy –
it’s kind of hard to say anything nice about someone
who loves SMG but I’ll try ;)
I’m glad we spent more time together during break
and had some good conversations
and missing some real good bean dip.
I just realized that could come off
as a disgusting sexual innuendo
but whatever, at least we know what I mean.
. . . . . .

(i don't have pictures of my other littles :()

zef + angela + frannie –
I believe I’m the only one in the doves
that has three little sisters.
I rule!
no, really—
I’m glad you all are my little sisters,
I couldn’t have asked for better,
and I look forward to family time together
during the next two quarters.
. . . . . .

nicole, my darlin' daughter –
I feel more of a protector for you
than anything else.
but then again, that is to be expected
from a mother ;)
looking forward to spending more time with you
for the remainder of the school year,
and especially learning more about who you are.
. . . . . .

adam, fellow san diegoan –
you’re one of the few friends that has known me
in all of my college years so far.
you’ll always be mr. encyclopedia to me
and I continue to love learning new things from you.
even though you’re in a different city
and we rarely see each other nowadays,
know that you’re dear to my heart.
. . . . . .

pamela, look-there's-a-helicopter-following-us! –
it’s funny... we were twin sisters,
best friends and roommates.
there was a period during college
when we didn’t talk; we grew apart.
this year, it’s slowly changing,
and I’m grateful for that.
every time we get together, we talk up a storm
about life, love and everything in between—
and I treasure that, more than you know.
. . . . . .

darlene, dahhhlin' –
with the horrible things
you said or did to me during high school,
the one thing that stood out of the whole thing
was the birthday party at the beach.
I’m glad I was given the opportunity to see
your true colors without walls,
and it was beautiful.
I held onto that memory all throughout high school.
you have no idea how glad I am
knowing where you are in your life right now.
continue to make art
and never forget your inner child.
. . . . . .

sunnie, that's a sexy corolla –
every time we get together,
there is so much laughter,
much love and energy.
we have a very interesting history together
but that’s what makes this friendship beautiful.
I’ve always felt that if we had lived closer
that you would’ve become a best friend...
at least I’ll always be muffin to you.
you have a beautiful soul, sunnie;
let it shine.
. . . . . .

rosie, bonded forever by ink –
whenever I publish a book
you are still the person I will dedicate it to.

//the weekend in a nutshell

2005-11-13T18:40:01Z

doves' bake sale.
a surprise visit from the bff.
new lil sister + old lil sisters = one big happy family.
getting stuffed at the potluck.
food coma.
sharing spoons.
macgregor's.
winning two games of pool.
madonna sing-alongs.
indian food and catching up.
realizing your friends know you more than you think.
@#*$^# cuuuuute monkey at the reptile shop.
knowing a bit more about reptiles than necessary.
the realistic fake tarantula.
dinner and wine.
watching the wizard of oz.
discussing judy garland's life.
chicago sing-alongs.
sasha's bash.
memorable bathroom moments.
jellyfish slaps.
going through a forest of a kitchen to uncover a treasure.
laughters.

i couldn't ask for anything more.

. . .

by the way, ariel...
you'll be sorely missed.

//something beautiful to share

2005-04-05T06:52:29Z

saw a song animation a long time ago
on "hedwig and the angry inch"
thought i should share the lyrics.

this is probably the only "elaborated" story
i wouldn't go "*zzz*" at.
;)

. . .

When the earth was still flat,
And the clouds made of fire,
And mountains stretched up to the sky,
Sometimes higher,
Folks roamed the earth
Like big rolling kegs.
They had two sets of arms.
They had two sets of legs.
They had two faces peering
Out of one giant head
So they could watch all around them
As they talked; while they read.
And they never knew nothing of love.
It was before the origin of love.

The origin of love

And there were three sexes then,
One that looked like two men
Glued up back to back,
Called the children of the sun.
And similar in shape and girth
Were the children of the earth.
They looked like two girls
Rolled up in one.
And the children of the moon
Were like a fork shoved on a spoon.
They were part sun, part earth
Part daughter, part son.

The origin of love

Now the gods grew quite scared
Of our strength and defiance
And Thor said,
"I'm gonna kill them all
With my hammer,
Like I killed the giants."
And Zeus said, "No,
You better let me
Use my lightening, like scissors,
Like I cut the legs off the whales
And dinosaurs into lizards."
Then he grabbed up some bolts
And he let out a laugh,
Said, "I'll split them right down the middle.
Gonna cut them right up in half."
And then storm clouds gathered above
Into great balls of fire

And then fire shot down
From the sky in bolts
Like shining blades
Of a knife.
And it ripped
Right through the flesh
Of the children of the sun
And the moon
And the earth.
And some Indian god
Sewed the wound up into a hole,
Pulled it round to our belly
To remind us of the price we pay.
And Osiris and the gods of the Nile
Gathered up a big storm
To blow a hurricane,
To scatter us away,
In a flood of wind and rain,
And a sea of tidal waves,
To wash us all away,
And if we don't behave
They'll cut us down again
And we'll be hopping round on one foot
And looking through one eye.

Last time I saw you
We had just split in two.
You were looking at me.
I was looking at you.
You had a way so familiar,
But I could not recognize,
Cause you had blood on your face;
I had blood in my eyes.
But I could swear by your expression
That the pain down in your soul
Was the same as the one down in mine.
That's the pain,
Cuts a straight line
Down through the heart;
We called it love.
So we wrapped our arms around each other,
Trying to shove ourselves back together.
We were making love,
Making love.
It was a cold dark evening,
Such a long time ago,
When by the mighty hand of Jove,
It was the sad story
How we became
Lonely two-legged creatures,
It's the story of
The origin of love.
That's the origin of love.

rusty_tub @ 2005-01-28T11:12:00

2005-01-28T16:10:06Z

simple beauty... flawless.

lyrics to mad world:

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world

wintery fun and some.

2005-01-27T09:22:33Z

one of my joyrides.

hailing from california, this was something jordanna and i didn't see everyday:

this damn thing is about 8 feet tall... O_O

and now, time for some aw-oh-so-cute pictures of my cat:

rusty_tub @ 2004-12-15T01:11:00

2004-12-15T06:29:31Z

cannot design. brain dead. sleep now.

100 goals i'd like to accomplish

2003-12-22T23:11:32Z

(i could only come up with 84... when i get 16 more, i'll post it.)

1. Get a labret piercing
2. Get a vagina piercing
3. Buy an Armani outfit
4. Visit England, especially London
5. See the pyramids
6. Backpack Europe for three months
7. Get a barcode tattoo
8. Learn French
9. Learn Spanish
10. Peace Corps (or VSO) for two years
11. Read the entire dictionary in a full day
12. Visit Africa
13. Visit South America
14. Visit Asian countries (China, Korea, Vietnam, etc,...)
15. Visit Japan (one of the design capitals of the world!)
16. Build and own a house by the beach
17. Have one of my advertisements/design on a building or something in Times Square
18. Write and direct a play
19. Paint a self-portrait
20. Tour the Amazon Rainforest
21. Swim the Great Barrier Reef in Australia
22. Engage in a threesome
23. Engage in an orgy
24. Live in NYC for a couple of years
25. Live in Seattle for a couple of years
26. Live in Portland for a couple of years
27. Live in Boston for a couple of years
28. Live in San Francisco for a couple of years
29. Settle down in England
30. Own a beagle, basset hound and a dachsund
31. Learn how to make my own spaghetti sauce
32. Make my own kite and spend the day flying it
33. Make my own chessboard
34. Earn 50,000+ a year at a job I absolutely love
35. Have a child
36. Create my own soup recipe
37. Learn how to make baklavas
38. Visit India
39. Get a book of poetry/semi autobiography/art book published
40. Outward Bound twice; one backpacking, one sailing.
41. Meet Madonna
42. Learn sculpting
43. Spend one week homeless with no money; learn how to survive in a city like Portland
44. Bowl drunk with a bunch of friends
45. Run through a cornfield
46. Spend the entire day on a green hill, lying on a blanket, reading a good book
47. Own a boat - nothing too fancy
48. Go on a cruise
49. Get a MFA in Graphic Design or something similar
50. Get a PhD/doctorate/whatever if possible.
51. Own a business
52. Work in the film industry, somehow - maybe design movie posters or DVD menus
53. Create a computer game
54. Write and direct a film
55. Try LSD at least once
56. Visit Amsterdam
57. Attend and graduate from a culinary arts school
58. Get a certificate in Business
59. Purchase a Cel of Tom and Jerry
60. Own seats from an old movie theater, or bowling seats
61. Learn Origami
62. Create my own board game
63. Reserve a billboard - have it say "Think about love."
64. Own a painting by Salvador Dali
65. Live to see the day where there'll be flying cars
66. Go to Disney World
67. Have a garden similar to the garden from the movie "The Secret Garden"
68. Have a willow tree in the backyard
69. Write and illustrate a children's book
70. Live to see the day when the quality of the education for the deaf has increased tremenously
71. Visit all 50 states
72. Learn how to snowboard
73. Live in an eco-village for at least a year
74. Be a vegan for at least 5 years
75. Learn how to grow marijuana
76. Ice-sculpt
77. Sky-dive
78. Parasailing
79. Have sex in an elevator
80. Write a musical
81. Try pure absinthe
82. See Zuman in Las Vegas
83. Swim with the dolphins
84. Pet a seal lion